Commentary on Prods, Prods, Prods

I have read in a few places that if you're going to spend money on products, don't spend it on ones that are going to get washed down the drain--namely shampoo, conditioner, and cleanser--and instead spend money on what actually stays on your skin and hair. I wish I had remembered this before I splurged and bought Sally Herschberger conditioner for $12. That was dumb. Live and learn! I just discovered Bumble and Bumble Curl Conscious, which, when used w/ Sally Herschberger primer and a diffuser literally gave me the BEST HAIR OF MY LIFE! However, I borrowed some of this and do not know where to purchase it! Ulta? I don't know. Someone tell me.

Prods, Prods, Prods: Keeping it Real in These Ridiculous Economic Times

From Special Guest Blogger Phoebe:

Recently, with Suzy Orman shouting in the back of my ear "We are f'ed! Don't spend money!" I have gone all drugstore on prods, and to be honest with amazing results. Rather than buying my $50 moisturizer I purchased $20 Oil of Olay moisturizer and have been amazed by the smell and silky smooth results. I also purchased $3 mild face soap, which has worked just fine. Meanwhile, in the shower, I found that I love Dove "shiny hair" shampoo and conditioner! I mean can we say Jennifer Aniston with this stuff? And the combo was a mere $6. However, there is one area that I realized I absolutely cannot go cheap on and that is my Bumble and Bumble orange bottle styling cream. I tried a $3 Tresemme volumizer and it did the exact opposite of its description. I felt flat and dull not bouncy and volumized! So despite the (gulp) $26, I remain devoted to Bn'B styling cream. I had a titch left in my old bottle and used it this morning and feel completely Jen A.

Bumble and Bumble 4 Life,

Max Factor, I'm Back!

I'm sure you're all on pins and needles about my mascara situation. If you're new, here's a little sampling of my pain. And here. And here.

There's more, but I'm too lazy to dig them up. Anyhoo, I defected to Prescriptives mascara, because it's top notch, passes the crying/rubbing/all day test, and I could conveniently buy it at the department store over my lunch break. Well, current circumstances have forced me to go back to a less-expensive product, so I finally broke down and went to Ulta where there was a special...buy 2 get a dollar off or something, so I ended up only paying like $4/each. A bargain compared to $21 at the Prescriptives counter. And man, I am mad I piddled away alllll those $21 times I didn't buy Max Factor! O.M.G.!

My life is all topsy-turvy because I discovered Max Factor's new Volume Couture! (Their dumb site takes forever to load).

This stuff is amazing. You know how in the morning, you put on your mascara and it's all great, and your eyelashes are super long, and then at the end of the day when you go to wash your face you notice that somehow your lashes are maybe 2 centimeters shorter, but you're not sure how it happened b/c you use Prescriptives so there's no flaking or smudging, but it's still not there and it just doesn't look your BEST? Well this stuff makes your lashes look the exact same all day long and all day strong! I can't even believe it! Every time I'm in front of the mirror I keep staaaring b/c I can't even believe it! And according to their site, this stuff is the "official mascara of milan fashion shows." And Gisele is their new spokesperson, which is awesome because she's HOT. A+ all around!

Update: Eating More Fat

Here's the problem with my whole-fat dairy project: I do not own a scale. So for all I know I could weigh 40 more lbs. Also, I finally broke down and bought halloween candy! And busted into the first bag! And am terrified that I will eat 43 peanut butter cups! Which will muck up my little experiment, but there you are.

Anyway, so far I am definitely more full w/ the cream in my coffee. When I put real cream in there, I'm too full to want to really eat any breakfast. Weird. And my full-fat yogurt-granola combo keeps me full at least 5 hours. So I think that's pretty good. I'll take it. I wonder what the cost breakdown of that is per bowl. And what that would be versus cheerios and whole milk...and how long that would keep me full...I can see I have some more work to do. So far, I'm still in favor. I also want to point out that full-fat is the same price as reduced fat! You'd think reduced fat would be more, considering they have to process it, but there you are.

Chakra Massage: Total Bliss

Yesterday I had my chakra massage. Who knew this existed? It was pretty sweet. The same price as a regular massage, which for me means save your pennies! And use sparingly. Anyhoo, here's how it went down: There was a lot of focus on the spine-area. Then we did a little chakra work; she said a chakra word and color, and I had to think about both things while she did some energy work over the chakra. Apparently, thinking about both these things engaged both parts of my brain and...I have no idea why that was important, but apparently it was.

Anyway, then I flipped and she did some reflexology on my feet. Now, here's the part where I started to panic. I am a total idiot and decided not to shower the day of my massage because I was just going to get all oily and greasy anyway--but not thinking that the massage therapist was going to be touching up all over me, including my toe-jam. I was also scanning my brain to remember the last time I shaved. I'm pretty sure my leg hair could've cut diamonds. DIAMONDS. I'm positive her hands started to bleed after rubbing my beardy-legs and it probably looked like a crime scene. I wouldn't know, I kept my eyes shut and was praying hard that she wouldn't say anything and add to my humiliation. She didn't--phew!

So, after that all passed, she did some energy work on my chakras, did a neck rub deal, put a hot towel on my face and called it a day. When I got up, I was totally buzzed. I was super zen-d out the whole rest of the day. Parking meter ate my quarter? Whatever. $6 bowl of cold soup that was really only worth $4 at most? Who cares. Running late to book club? Eh.

I wish this high lasted for the rest of my life, but alas! It was not to be. This morning I was totally surly and emotional. Not sure what to attribute it to...maybe all the toxins that got jolted around? Maybe my chakras continuing to balance? Hormones? Conspiracy? I don't know. All I know is, let's assume this mood change was unrelated and I'll do it again! Bring it!

New Money-Saving Strategy: Eat More Fat

Apparently, there is a school of thought that eating good-for-you fats can actually help you lose weight (when done reasonably). My sisters are on this train, and I'm climbing on board. As my (poorest) sister pointed out, you consume less food, and thus spend less money. I'm for that!

I am testing this idea for a week or so to see how it goes. I know one thing: everything is more delicious! I poured a little cream on my peach crumble at lunch today and I *may* have experienced nirvana. I also bought a ton of cheese and yogurt, so luckily I'm not a vegan. I spent $38 at the co-op today, so hopefully all my full-fat dairy will last for a few weeks. Fingers crossed!

When You Start to Get Poor, Shop in OTHER People's Closets

Last weekend I went to a fashion swap. This was an excellent idea (thank you, M!)! You clean out your closet, get a bunch of ladies together, and then swap around your clothes, shoes, handbags, and accessories! You get rid of your stuff, get fun new stuff, and don't even spend a dime. Except for on the booze you should have as you do this.

I'm going to try to sell some of the better stuff I had leftover, and the rest goes to charity (which I am dropping off by the 20-lbs bags tomorrow), so the giving keeps on! I don't know why we didn't think of this before.

Crockpotted: Peach Crumble

This was one of my more cost-effective recipes. It is basically a peach "crisp," with just an oatmeal/brownsugar/butter mixture on top of peaches. The recipe calls for fresh peaches, but they're no in season and also who wants to pay for 2 pounds of fresh peaches anyway? So I subbed in canned and it was fine. And it only needed about 2.5 hours to cook.

In my cost breakdown, I'm just counting the peaches because other ingredients are what you'd have on hand. This was sooooooo good and serves 6. It's cheap enough that I am seriously considering eating this as my main meal for maybe the rest of my life. I was supposed to take this over to a friend's for a screening of Mad Men (my new fave show!) but my car died in the garage! And now I have to deal with a large mechanic's bill in the morning, I am sure. Sigh!
Per serving cost: approx 90 cents
Verdict: eat it!

Day Drinking: Rounds 3 and 4

As it happens, I daydrank by accident yesterday...I still feel like it doesn't count as much on a weekend, but there you are. Anyway, I forced my mom to take me to lunch, because sometimes a girl wants a free meal! So when the waitress asked me if I wanted a bloody mary, I took it as a sign. Now I KNOW I didn't drink it with a grilled cheese, but I figured you would forgive me. I ate it w/ eggs benedict. This was a good plan! I have never actually had a real bloody mary before, and I am impressed! (It was actually a little too spicy for my delicate nordic palate, but I still managed.) You couldn't even taste the vodka. The downside to this is that you need to watch it to make sure you can still drive your mom home after consuming one of these things, but just be responsible.

My next round came today...my friend lured me to her house on this dreary, rainy day with the temptation of brandy apple ciders. Yum! Never even heard of them before, but this is a drink I approve of. Had to stick with just one (on account of the driving home part), but I have confirmed that drinking during the day, no matter what the alcohol, is done much better in company.

When You Start to Get Poor, Shop in Your Closet

Apparently Oprah's doing some series on finance with Suze Orman. You'd think I'd be all excited about this, but as it turns out it's pretty lame. Suze just gets all up in these dummies' faces because they'd rather buy their 5-year-old a trip to Disney World than pay their mortgage. Come on! Don't waste my time. Last week some mom was martyred because she could feed her family of 5 on $4 a meal. Really? And she's proud of that? She's serving meat--which means the sick giblets the butcher scrapes off his boot and onto the styrofoam tray and marks with a special sticker that says "half price." I mean, I'm frugal, but sometimes you need to have standards!

Anyhoo, I got a bee in my bonnet to clean out my closet this past week. Suddenly, it was as if my messy, unorganized closet was the one thing that is holding me back. It was as though clearing, cleaning, sorting, and folding was going to change my life forever for the good. And I must say, I already feel better about being organized in general. Anyway, my point is thatI unearthed a ton of stuff--which was a seriously smugal move.

I found a tub of face cream (ran out last month, have been scraping by on regular face lotion--not the same!), 2 bars of scented soap (running low, won't need to buy new ones!), some reasonable stuff I could sell for cash (sweet!), hair product (I'm pretty sure I will not run out of hair prods until I'm 83 years old, but always good to find new ones), a few clutches I hadn't seen in a while, a pair of boots for fall, and 2 bottles of shampoo! I won't have to hit target for another 9 months at this rate! Going through all the stuff I have is like the gift that keeps on giving...gets rid of my crap and saves me TONS of money. I figure I easily save $80. Try it!

Crockpotted: Mac and Cheese

This was the easiest thing in the whole world. I dumped evaporated milk, noodles, cheese, and an egg in the pot and turned it on. Didn't even need to pre-cook the noodles! The recipe said to cook for 3.5-4 hours, but right at 3.5 it was already overcooked! The edges were all brown and crunchy and not really edible, so really I only got about 2 servings out of it instead of 4. This was a cheap one, though, and I figure I only spent about $4 on it, so $1/serving. Not bad! But you're going to want 2 servings, so really $2/pop. Not great, but not terrible.

Because I am gourmet (and wanted to use up my mozzarella cheese and not buy cheddar), I varied the recipe and and made "Italian Mac and Cheese," made w/ mozz (obv), fresh tomato on top, and Italian herbs. It got rave reviews from my guest.

Per serving cost: $1-2
Verdict: eh.

The People Have Been Heard

The votes are in! Grilled cheese and bloody marys it is! I was trying to figure out what all is in a bloody mary, then decided to just buy the mix, then said "F that! I'm having the smugal woman's bloody mary!" which will be V-8, vodka, and an organic celery stick. Work with what you got! I'll let you know how Day Drinkin' 3 goes next week. I think that's the first time I can do it...

Reading Magazines is Bad for Your Budget

I had the misfortune of reading Allure magazine this weekend. I was reading some article about how to give yourself the Perfect Blowout, and discovered that I need more hair tools! I am pissed, because I was just thanking god that in my past I am a hair product hoor, because I have at least a year's supply of shampoo, conditioner, primer, goos, creams, gels, sprays, serums, and shine-enhancers! I don't even need to tempt myself in those aisles, and in fact have banned myself from crossing over to the dark side at Target.

But now I can see that volume is in! Obviously I need volumizer for my roots! I don't have any! And it turns out that I need an ionic hairdryer! With a nozzle! And barring that, I need a nozzle for my current hair dryer! Suddenly, I need to spend $50 more than before I started reading that. Dammit! I think I have to ban all fashion/beauty mags until after I start raking in the dough.

Animal Farm

Oh, the things I do for money! Once again I've got animals in my house--this time 2 dogs. These little ewoks are soooooooo cute! But their cuteness:gross ratio gap is closing every day. I have cleaned up barf, snot, pee, poop, and unidentified fluids.

Additionally, these dogs have these weirdo hairy tails, so their poo gets stuck in mushy clumps and in little dried pellets. The other night one of them took a nose dive off my bed, landed on his face, stared at me while he took a juicy dump, and then jumped back up into my bed with his poo tail and rubbed his poo-juice all over my white sheets! And guess what! Poo juice does not come out in the wash, my friends. It is a permanent reminder of the insolence and disrespect shown to me by a hairy little ewok dog. It was so gross I had to stick his butt in the sink and in the end cut out his butt-hairs. I'm pretty sure my regular pay does not cover this sick and unusual situation, and I continue to wonder how it can come to be that I always get this sick dog stuff, but at least it's not as bad as this time. Ooooooor this.

Day Drinking: Gearing up for Round 3!

Boy, I blog about drinking and everyone comes out of the woodwork! I got schooled up, down, and all around for my failed experiment. I have been pounded for my choice of alcohol and believe me! I will not make that mistake again. I guess I'll have to take a poll about my drinks so you chumps can tell me what to drink and I don't have to get anymore beat-downs. Sheesh! I've been told I should throw some whiskey in that coffee, to try champagne (ok, I did just do that one last sunday, but that doesn't count because it's a weekend), bloody marys...I can't remember the rest. Apparently there is also a technique...one must drink and eat simultaneously. Take my food-drink combo poll and let me know what I should try...send me a comment if you have a better combo and I'll take it into consideration.

Crockpotted: Chocolate Peanut Butter Pudding Cake

She's broken in! I did it! I finally busted her out of her box! Listen, don't be mad, but I didn't do the veggie chili like you voted on...it's too hot outside! I went to an Emmy party and made the pudding cake as dessert. It was goooood! (If you were there, feel free to comment on this assertion.) Very, very rich but delicious. I will probably make it again, but I'm trying out other dessert recipes first. But the best part about the recipe is that I had all the ingredients in my house! I didn't even need to go to the store! So it felt like I made dessert for 8 for free...the best part of all!

Crockpottin'!

Okay, I admit I still have yet to take the crock pot out of the box (!!). But I'm prepared! I went to the farmer's market to get all these root vegetables ($14) that I'm going to throw in there...and then I realized I don't really have a recipe. I thought I did. Hmmm. I am not familiar enough w/ the crockpotting-arts to have the skillz to make up my own yet. However, good news! I came across this book at my sister's, and she gave it to me!! OMG! Providence! Now there are a bunch of meat recipes in here (rabbit!), but also tooooons of veggie side dishes and even desserts! I can't even wait to get started, I am totally inspired! The crock pot will surely see the light of day any moment now...

Oh, as a bonus, here's a great-looking chocolate pudding cake crock pot recipe I found online...I'm for sure going to try it.

The Smugal Gourmet

As I'm on a (very!) tight budget, I've decided to pay better attention to how much my groceries are costing...yet still be able to eat deliciously. I'd rather not go on the spaghetti and ramen diet. Last week I made lasagne! In place of meat, I used kidney beans as my protein (which is also cheaper!). I did some number crunching and determined that it cost approx $15 to make an entire pan, which was supposedly 8 servings. However, I ate it for like 5 meals and I still had a ton left over. This works out to around $1.87 per serving if I did the math right (doubtful), which isn't too shabby! However, I'm going to be able to get like 12 servings out of it, so that cost/serving will be even lower! (I don't feel like doing the math on that one.)

Initially, I meant to share with friends, before I was given various and sundry reasons why no one wanted to eat it: they "don't like noodles," "leftovers are gross," "I'm avoiding wheat/dairy/beans..." Whatever. I ended up freezing 2/3 of it and I'm hoping I can finish it all eventually so I get my money's worth! Cooking for 1 is kind of lame, I've discovered, when no one will share your food! If you have to toss 1/2 of it, it's not that good a deal.

I think I'm gong to have to work out some kind of meal-exchange program with those who don't "hate leftovers." Or get friends over here who are less picky!

Day Drinking: Revisted

Well, during one of my last layoffs, I tested drinking during the day (just because I could), and was not impressed with the results. With some encouragement, I decided to give 'er another whirl, and had a few mugs of coffee today with a few splashes of Bailey's. Not a good idea, folks! Bailey's was not the best choice. I felt all syrupy and nasty and headachy and dehydrated when I went on a walk later. I have since decided I think Bailey's is best for decaf before bed.

I might get better results having a 1pm beer, but it may be a while before I try that again. It might make me feel like a lush if I down a few by myself.

I Have a Fan!

Yay! A reason to update! I just assumed I was blogging into a black hole. Said fan requested a Crock Pot update. Well, I'm ashamed to admit that the update is that the pot is still in its box in the basement. I know!!! Inexcusable. Here is the website I'm using for my veggie crocks recipes! My fantasy plan is to go to the farmer's market, get some farm-fresh food, and toss it in the ol' crock for a delicious dinner. My ultimate goal is to become an expert and make a ton of non-soupy veggie crock entrees! A noble goal. Additionally, I think this will be a very cost-effective way to get economeal prices. Obviously I will do a per-meal price breakdown.

This new crock pot goal is a good idea--I need to create more structure into my day. Yesterday I was on the computer for hours, and then rolled over to a friend's house for dinner LITERALLY looking like a homeless person. It was like something the cat dragged in. Must remember to put on real clothes every day, not just lounge around in my Pillsbury dough boy jammie pants and fleeces.

Third Time's a Charm?

Well, here we are again. Laid off again for a grand total of three. I'm beginning to think that the Big Guy Upstairs is trying to tell me something. But what?? Extra points to you if you guess and get it right. I'm pretty much out of ideas.

a) I'm meant to make a career out of being a husbandless-housewife
b) I'm in training to be the best housewife possible to future, yet-unknown rich hubby
c) I am meant to be future counselor to people who don't have jobs?

I told a friend a few months ago I didn't think I was emotionally cut out to have a job and she told me that was ridiculous, so I have stricken that from my list. Apparently I need to create different situations but I'll be damned if I know how to do it. SIGH!

I figure I better get back on the blog-horse so I can cultivate all kinds of material and then write a book about not working and make a mint. I suppose I could spend my time right now working on book proposals. Publishing friends, I may be coming after YOU!

Anyhoo, I will continue my experiments and shoestring budget tactics. Right now I'm practicing ONLY going to grocery store when necessary, and even then only buying bare minimum, such as milk. I'm trying to eat my way through the food I've had in the cupboards/freezer for a while. I'll let you know how it goes. So far, successful, and low grocery bills! Recommended.

Oh, I also wanted to mention that I've heard a little adage about how bad things happen in threes--I'm hoping my 3 sucky jobs and 3 layoffs have played themselves out, and fab new amazing job is on the horizon...

The Adventures of Frances and Me

My 'rents went on a superlong vaca, so they dumped the cat off w/ me. The cat they "can't stand," which is actually the world's most spoiled puss and who came with an entire carload of accessories, including 5 beds, *4* large bags of food (for 3 weeks), a special blanket, and tons of care instructions, including a very specific way to scoop her litter box, the edict that i must give her fresh water every single day, proper brushing technique, and a barking command to create a special nest for her near the couch (which she now won't go near).

Frances is very aloof and waaaaay too good for anyone. She only comes out if she is absolutely starved for attention, and seems to be spending the majority of her time under my bed, on top of a rubbermaid. She is a princess and will not eat ANY of her food if it has dropped in the floor, will yell at you if her water is not fresh enough, and will scram if you pet her too much or not at all. Additionally, there is cat hair all up in my bizniss. She thinks her shiznit does not stink, but let me tell you it does...it stinks all up in my kitchen! But what an interesting way to loose weight...it's def an appetite suppressant...

However, i am reluctant to admit...i am getting used to have another living being around here. besides my half-dead plants.

Should I Buy a Crockpot? Update 2

Ok, i admit it, I haven't updated in a while because I officially had 69 posts and i didn't want to change the number (dirty!) but I know you're all on the edge of your seat about my crockpot status. Ok, i bought one weeks ago, never took it out of the box, and have since banished it to the basement. It's hard to get inspired to make stews when it's 80 degrees out.

State Fair: 3 Months and Counting

Today I heard the marketing chick from the state fair talk about...the state fair. I want her job so bad. how do i get her job??? tell me how! state fair: i love you. i love you and i want to marry you. I want to marry you so i can eat all the hush puppies and aussie fries and cheesecurds and deep fat fried snickers bars my poor old stomach can handle...and more. and drink 5 pints of leinies. And see the butterheads 10,000 times. 3 whole more months to go!

Consumer Reporting: Celestial Seasonings Sleepytime EXTRA tea UPDATE

Well, I have no idea if this works better than the regular or not. I'm guessing not. Jury's out. What I do know is that I need to start drinking it earlier...I'm getting tired of waking up at 3a.m. to pee. VERDICT: Who knows?

Consumer Reporting: Celestial Seasonings Sleepytime EXTRA Tea

I tried to find a link to this tea, but it must be so new it doesn't have one. Anyway, I was intrigued by the "extra," as I have been drinking regular sleepytime every night for a few weeks now. I tried this last night, and I was completely comatose while I was sitting up straight, but I don't know if that was the tea or not...

Tonight I decided to be more scientific. Well, not really. But I'm going to try it again and see what happens. I am currently a little bit tired. We'll see how long it takes me to tip over.

Should I Buy a Crock Pot: Update

So at Target today I saw that the 3-gallon crock pot is really only like $20! The 5.5 gallon is $50. I don't get that price break, but whatever. For $20, I feel like I can splurge. What does a single gal like me need to make 5 gallons of? Whatever it is, I'd get sick of it after 2 seconds, and I don't have that kind of freezer space. So I think I'm getting the cute red $20 one that matches my kitchen. I am now accepting vegetarian crock pot recipes.

A Balanced Diet

Tonight for dinner I had oatmeal chocolate chip cookie dough. And I washed it down with a beer. And was eying the cheesy bread at the bar. What? I'm trying to convince myself that there is a lot of nutritional value in all that oatmeal. It's hard when my belly feels bloated. I think I need to start getting up early and hitting the gym. Now that I will be finishing my thesis THIS WEEKEND, I will be out of excuses. But at least I passed up the cheese bread. Though that was more because I was feeling cheap. I wouldn't have turned it down if it had been free...

Chakra to Me!

Last week I took this chakra test to see what the dealio is, and apparently all my chakras are open except the root. But today i'm so crabby pants i'm sure i'm closed up all over the place. in 2 weeks when i'm totally done w/ school i'm making a beeline to the library to check out the recommended books so i can get things back in order. i think i need some healing touch. it's a little cheaper than a caribbean vacation, and i will really need to celebrate being done. bring it!

Consumer Reporting: Revlon 1" Ceramic Straightner VERDICT

Ok, I've tested it out. Works pretty well on freshly-cleaned hair and all that. However, i tried to straighten out some pony-tail bumps later in the day and I wasn't terribly impressed. I know there's a straightner on the market that is LITERALLY like $250 which i'm sure does not have that problem, but who here thinks I will spend that kind of money on this device? That's what I thought. Verdict: Buy it.

Another blog

I have been commanded at work to start a work blog, which is mostly empty. WTF am i supposed to write in a work blog that's even remotely interesting?? The other day i cracked and ended up posting about an 80s band for lack of any other interesting thing to say. I'm certainly not going to have my colleagues, bosses, and clients reading about my amazing hair-straightner adventures. i welcome ideas and suggestions for topics.

Survey: Should I Buy a Crock Pot?

Something drastic needs to happen. I just went over last months' grocery bills, and I'm pretty sure I spent double what I've allotted. Dammit! No more fresh flowers in my relationship corner or Ben and Jerry's. That's OK about the B&J's, since I haven't been to the gym in like 2 months and am entering the danger zone.

Anyhoo, I'm also spending too much going out to lunch during the week, so I need to get serious about cooking lots of stuff on the weekend to eat all week. I'm trying to convince myself that this would be worth it. It also matches my kitchen! And how much veg stuff can I cook in it besides stew? But how phat would it be to toss a bunch of stuff in that puppy on Sunday morning after the farmer's market and have lunch for the rest of the week...hmmm...if I could get just 8.5 lunches out of it, it would pay for itself...

Consumer Reporting: Ben and Jerry's Half Baked

Lately I've been feeling like a Cathy cartoon single's cliche. I'm in a Ben and Jerry's phase (or a whole-pan-of-brownies-phase, but I'm not ready to talk about that yet). Anyway, I've been wasting all my money burning through a few of those a week and then not exercising it off. I decided to taste-test my new fave flavor (Half Baked) in its two different forms: Low-Fat yogurt, and regular.

Now, normally I feel like that fro-yo stuff usually tastes way grosser and you're better off eating full-fat and less of it. Like everyone else smart. However, in this instance I must say that I think the light is comperably equally delish, and considerably fewer calories and less fat. And in this instance, I'd eat the same amount no matter what. Verdict: Try the fro-yo.

Consumer Reporting: Revlon 1" Ceramic Straightner

OK, I was introduced to the Wonderful World of Hair Straightners about 1.5 years ago. Before that I was all, "What? I straighten my hair w/ a brush and a dryer, what do i need a straightner for??" Amateur! I can't believe i didn't know that a straightner de-puffs, glossifies, and magicizes your hair. Unfortunately, I decided a 2" straightner would be a good idea for purchase...more surface area, right?? No. It's harder to use, and it can't really do that flip-thing at the ends. Anyway, I have really been breaking the bank lately, but I just got my hair cut shorter and decided that the 1" Revlon straightner would POTENTIALLY change my life. I will keep you posted.

Relatedly, does anyone know where i can get one of those nozzelly attachments for my blowdryer? That concentrates the flow so it's more efficient when blowing out your hair? You know what I'm talking about? I didn't see one at Target...

Asparagus

My horoscope told me to eat more asperagus. Luckily, I had just had the asparagus to end all asperagi at Cafe Maude. Hooooly shiz, was it amazing! It's kind of wacky b/c you order it as a side, but just do it. It's cooked in this pesto-y type stuff, and then they shave these huge shavings of some delicious cheese...parmesan or asiago or something...mmmm. I created a poor man's version for us at home. It requires a Next Grilleration...it cooks them to perfection in about 4 minutes, yo! And you lucky bichiz, it's on sale at amazon! Anyhoo, put a teensy bit of olive oil on it, throw down your asparagus, cook about 3 minutes (furrealz!), then i added s & p and HERBS: try italian seasoning, basil, or herbes de provence. The i sprinkled fresh grated parmesan on it b/c i'm not classy enough to have a huge hunk in my fridge i can just shave bits off of. Health and delish. And good for my moon sign, too. Score.

Livin' the High Life!

...and not with the King of Beers. I had to get internet for work, so I whole-hogged it and got the triple-play. You know it! I got cable! Not very smugal, i know! But I feel like i'm an adult...I might as well just go with it. so not only am i writing and posting this from un-pirated internet, I'm also sharpening my brain on Rock of Love 2 (America's Best Dance Crew has already been found). Of course, in the event of another layoff, the cable will be the first thing to go...

Thank you, Jesus!

Heaven answered my prayers! America's Next Dance Crew episodes are online! OMG! This is awesome since a)its new new fave show, b)i don't have cable and c) my "friends" refuse to tivo it for me!! can you believe it? This is truly the most amazing, awesome, mind-boggling show. I will now plug in my computer and spend the next 7 hours watching the archives.

Bacteria: Update

Ok, look. I don't know why I thought I would remember to eat a yogurt every single day for 2 weeks. So I have no idea if I won the bacteria challenge. But the yogurt is creamy and delicious enough that it's worth taking the risk that it's doing something good in my guts. Anyone else remembering to eat it every day and have anything interesting to report?

Consumer Reporting: McSkillet Burrito

Sorry this is late, gang. Obviously, I had this w/o the sausage. But this was actually pretty good. surprisingly. However, the "salsa" was a tad spicy for those of us who have northern palates. Additionally, i didn't really care for the american cheese...i wish they would make the leap to an actual cheese instead of a cheese "product," but anyway, this was good. I think i recommend it.

An Absurd Invention

What. in the hell. is "fat-free" half and half? Can someone please explain to me how that works? Last time I checked, fat had a little something to do with half and half. I'm pretty sure the ingredients on half and half look a little something like this: milk. "Fat-free" half and half is skim milk with corn syrup and a bunch of junk in it. Is it really, really worth it? If you're only going to use a tablespoon or so, don't you DESERVE the 2g of fat? I mean, come on. Let's prioritize.

Consumer Reporting: Sally Hershberger Wavy Primer UPDATE

Ladies and Gents:
I still love this product, but a little warning...the instructions say to put it in, let it set for 2 mintues, and THEN add your other product. MALE SURE YOU DO! I accidentally forgot to wait the 2 minutes and it was a disaster. My waves were embarrassing and the textures was gross. I had to wear a hat for the rest of the day.

Consumer Reporting: Sally Hershberger Wavy Primer

Well, the proof is in the pudding. My coworker complimented my waves this morning and didn't even know I'm experimenting! Verdict: worth it. I can't wait to use up some of my other products so I can get more from the Sally Hershberger line! Oh, crumb, I guess her only other wavy products are the shampoo/conditioner and Walgreens just had a 2-4-1, so I now have 2 bottles of Marc Anthony to get through.

Another exciting feature of Sally Hershberger is that is smells very Aveda-esque...delicious! Unfortunately I didn't walk around smelling it all day, but when I put it in in the morning it was ecstasy.

Consumer Reporting: Sally Hershberger Wavy Primer and Marc Anthony Lotion

Well, I need some more hair goo for "wavy days," and I was excited to try a Marc Anthony product. Now, while I love the smell of the shampoo (coconutty), the "lotion" smells like limes. So the combo smells like some kind of Caribbean daquiri. Now, I'm all for the Caribbean! But i don't want someone to poke a straw in my head.

Tomorrow I am going to add something else to the mix: Sally Hershberger Primer Supposedly, this makes any of your wavy products work better. I'll be the judge of that! At $13/a pop, she'd better not disappoint.

Consumer Reporting: Special K Protein Bar

Since I am at the library if I'm not at work or sleeping, I needed to find some fillings snack to put in my school bag. I stumbled upon these Special K protein bars that have 10g protein. And a veg like me can use all the protein she can get.

Now, the packaging looks promising, because the pic on the front looks exactly like a whatchamucallit bar (remember those?!? mmm!)However, in reality, it tastes more like sawdust with a chocolately shell. I will probably finish the box, but I don't recommend you buy them. Unless it's an emergency. Or you like sawdust.

PS It also tastes like liquor...but not in a good way.

A Pleasure to My Ears

Well, here I am at the library, as usual, but tonight is special. I have the distinct pleasure of listening to the guy 3 feet away from me snore. He's at the next carol, and he has his tossed back and he features an interesting combo between a wet, uvula*-vibrating gargle, occasionally marred by little chokes and soft purrs. I am temped to lob something at him to wake him up, but it would be clear who the culprit is. I will experiment with different methods of awakening him.

First comes the carol jolt.
Result: Unsuccessful. It's too heavy.

Next: loud noise.
Result: Success.

*Not vulva, you dirty pig. That thing that hangs in the back of your throat.

Now maybe i can get some work done.

Bacteria

I have decided to take the Activia challenge. My digestive system can use all the help it can get. But I wasn't terribly impressed with the yogurt. A-#1, it has blubbery fruit in it. Gross. I could barely manage it. So today I decided to try the Yoplait version...de-licious! Creamy and rich, yet low-fat! And 3 grams of fiber. I'll keep you updated.

Consumer Alert! Do Not Buy This Lip Color!

I had this on my dresser for weeks so I'd remember the name of it and could warn people against buying it, but every time I saw it it made me angry, so I finally had to throw it out. But don't worry, it had been burned in my brain: Maybelline Super Stay Lipcolor http://www.maybelline.com/Product/Lip/LipColor/superstay-lipcolor.htm is a waste of time and some kind of conspiracy; I don't know how it won those awards.

I followed the directions EXACTLY, because I bought that Cover Girl long-lasting lip stuff several years ago, and it flaked off and made my lips itchy, so I knew what I was up against. OK, so I decided to try it on in the privacy of my own home so I wouldn't walk around looking like a freak if it got all weird. And weird it was. I sat in a chair for ONE HOUR. ONE. HOUR. I did not eat or drink. When I got up, ALL the lip color in the middle of my lips had completely vanished, leaving a bizzare border. I couldn't even look at myself, it was so weird looking. Can you imagine if I were just running around town looking like that? Instead of buying this product, I recommend rippin up $11 into tiny pieces and flushing them down the toilet. It will be less frustrating.

Garbage Car

My intelligent alley neighbor jammed their trash can past the brim, and did not secure the lid. Apparently they don't think coons and vermin live in the city. So of course a few bags were strewn about the alleyway, and, as it is an alley, there was nothing to do but drive over it. About, say, 1/2 block later, I'm starting to curse VW (not unusual) because I am hearing a rattling and I JUST spend $700 getting my car fixed. I then realize that it's not my car...I'm dragging the trash. I'm thinking I've maybe got a pop can lodged in there somewhere. No biggie. Friends, I was mistaken. Shortly after I get on the freeway, I hit a pothole. GARBAGE EXPLOSION behind my car. Syrup bottles, dirty lettuce, plastic bags, packaging...it could've killed someone! Luckily it's winter and there wasn't a convertible behind me! Can you imagine driving along and getting blasted w/ someone's nasty, critter-pawed sickness? Right in your front seat? Note: If you live in the city, watch your trash can! Animals eat trash!

Lipstick Jungle—It Ain't no Pretty in Pink

Well, this show is clearly the poor man's Sex and the City. But cute Lindsey Price is in it who stole Steve Sanders's heart. And Scott Speedman who I LOVED in Felicity (except that he always whispered his lines, which was absurd). But the best: Andrew McCarthy. GENIUS casting. Aaaaaaandrew McCaaaaaaaarthy! Remember when he made out w/ Andie in the stable in Pretty in Pink? OMG. I need to netflix that again. HOTHOTHOT.

UPDATE: I have been informed that Scott Speedman is not Scott Speedman in Lipstick Jungle! Dead ringer! That explains why he doesn't do the whisper thing...

My New Sinful Indulgence

Since I have lately had to visit the doctor 2-3 times a week, I have been treating myself to McDonald's breakfast after my appointments. Now, I hadn't had McD's brek in years, but semi-recently my (now) exbf used to occasionally surprise me with meatless Egg McMuffin meal deals (romantic, I know). However, I began to picture little beaks and wispy feathers in the egg part (it looks weird), so I had to retire them. I moved on to Cinnamon Melts. Now, I need to tell you that I don't even like cinnamon rolls. Never have. But something about them looked exceptionally delicious...and I was right. Aaaaand even better, the price is right. Under $2! Smugal.

New Product to Pimp

Ok, i am in loooooove w/ the Marc Anthony Curly shampoo and conditioner. Now, before you get all worked up, it's not the Marc Anthony of J.Lo. I don't know who this guy is but this stuff smells sooooooo good! http://www.marcanthony.com/. I first discovered this at Rainbow, but it has since disappeared. I then found it at Walgreens, so I'll have to make the trip. Normally I hate Walgreens, but have you ever noticed they have the uncanny ability to play the BEST MUSIC EVER there? It's like the "All the best from the late '80s and '90s. I mean, I stay for way too long because I'm busy singing along to all the songs--despite the fact that it makes me feel kind of dirty and always jaundiced. I don't know what's up w/ their lighting. Let me know if you try any of his other products. I think I will try his "Straight" and "Gloss" line when I am off the shampoo embargo.

Long Time...

Soooo long time, no post! I have been busy having the World's Most Boring Job, and have since put in my notice. In 2 weeks I start my Potential Dream Job, which will have me working at home a few days a week (with luck). I'm starting to come around and think that maybe if I don't work for The Man and can be the boss of my own time, I won't miss that I'm not lounging at the pool with a cabana boy...