Animal Farm

Oh, the things I do for money! Once again I've got animals in my house--this time 2 dogs. These little ewoks are soooooooo cute! But their cuteness:gross ratio gap is closing every day. I have cleaned up barf, snot, pee, poop, and unidentified fluids.

Additionally, these dogs have these weirdo hairy tails, so their poo gets stuck in mushy clumps and in little dried pellets. The other night one of them took a nose dive off my bed, landed on his face, stared at me while he took a juicy dump, and then jumped back up into my bed with his poo tail and rubbed his poo-juice all over my white sheets! And guess what! Poo juice does not come out in the wash, my friends. It is a permanent reminder of the insolence and disrespect shown to me by a hairy little ewok dog. It was so gross I had to stick his butt in the sink and in the end cut out his butt-hairs. I'm pretty sure my regular pay does not cover this sick and unusual situation, and I continue to wonder how it can come to be that I always get this sick dog stuff, but at least it's not as bad as this time. Ooooooor this.