Thank you, Jesus!

Heaven answered my prayers! America's Next Dance Crew episodes are online! OMG! This is awesome since a)its new new fave show, b)i don't have cable and c) my "friends" refuse to tivo it for me!! can you believe it? This is truly the most amazing, awesome, mind-boggling show. I will now plug in my computer and spend the next 7 hours watching the archives.

Bacteria: Update

Ok, look. I don't know why I thought I would remember to eat a yogurt every single day for 2 weeks. So I have no idea if I won the bacteria challenge. But the yogurt is creamy and delicious enough that it's worth taking the risk that it's doing something good in my guts. Anyone else remembering to eat it every day and have anything interesting to report?

Consumer Reporting: McSkillet Burrito

Sorry this is late, gang. Obviously, I had this w/o the sausage. But this was actually pretty good. surprisingly. However, the "salsa" was a tad spicy for those of us who have northern palates. Additionally, i didn't really care for the american cheese...i wish they would make the leap to an actual cheese instead of a cheese "product," but anyway, this was good. I think i recommend it.

An Absurd Invention

What. in the hell. is "fat-free" half and half? Can someone please explain to me how that works? Last time I checked, fat had a little something to do with half and half. I'm pretty sure the ingredients on half and half look a little something like this: milk. "Fat-free" half and half is skim milk with corn syrup and a bunch of junk in it. Is it really, really worth it? If you're only going to use a tablespoon or so, don't you DESERVE the 2g of fat? I mean, come on. Let's prioritize.

Consumer Reporting: Sally Hershberger Wavy Primer UPDATE

Ladies and Gents:
I still love this product, but a little warning...the instructions say to put it in, let it set for 2 mintues, and THEN add your other product. MALE SURE YOU DO! I accidentally forgot to wait the 2 minutes and it was a disaster. My waves were embarrassing and the textures was gross. I had to wear a hat for the rest of the day.

Consumer Reporting: Sally Hershberger Wavy Primer

Well, the proof is in the pudding. My coworker complimented my waves this morning and didn't even know I'm experimenting! Verdict: worth it. I can't wait to use up some of my other products so I can get more from the Sally Hershberger line! Oh, crumb, I guess her only other wavy products are the shampoo/conditioner and Walgreens just had a 2-4-1, so I now have 2 bottles of Marc Anthony to get through.

Another exciting feature of Sally Hershberger is that is smells very Aveda-esque...delicious! Unfortunately I didn't walk around smelling it all day, but when I put it in in the morning it was ecstasy.

Consumer Reporting: Sally Hershberger Wavy Primer and Marc Anthony Lotion

Well, I need some more hair goo for "wavy days," and I was excited to try a Marc Anthony product. Now, while I love the smell of the shampoo (coconutty), the "lotion" smells like limes. So the combo smells like some kind of Caribbean daquiri. Now, I'm all for the Caribbean! But i don't want someone to poke a straw in my head.

Tomorrow I am going to add something else to the mix: Sally Hershberger Primer Supposedly, this makes any of your wavy products work better. I'll be the judge of that! At $13/a pop, she'd better not disappoint.

Consumer Reporting: Special K Protein Bar

Since I am at the library if I'm not at work or sleeping, I needed to find some fillings snack to put in my school bag. I stumbled upon these Special K protein bars that have 10g protein. And a veg like me can use all the protein she can get.

Now, the packaging looks promising, because the pic on the front looks exactly like a whatchamucallit bar (remember those?!? mmm!)However, in reality, it tastes more like sawdust with a chocolately shell. I will probably finish the box, but I don't recommend you buy them. Unless it's an emergency. Or you like sawdust.

PS It also tastes like liquor...but not in a good way.

A Pleasure to My Ears

Well, here I am at the library, as usual, but tonight is special. I have the distinct pleasure of listening to the guy 3 feet away from me snore. He's at the next carol, and he has his tossed back and he features an interesting combo between a wet, uvula*-vibrating gargle, occasionally marred by little chokes and soft purrs. I am temped to lob something at him to wake him up, but it would be clear who the culprit is. I will experiment with different methods of awakening him.

First comes the carol jolt.
Result: Unsuccessful. It's too heavy.

Next: loud noise.
Result: Success.

*Not vulva, you dirty pig. That thing that hangs in the back of your throat.

Now maybe i can get some work done.

Bacteria

I have decided to take the Activia challenge. My digestive system can use all the help it can get. But I wasn't terribly impressed with the yogurt. A-#1, it has blubbery fruit in it. Gross. I could barely manage it. So today I decided to try the Yoplait version...de-licious! Creamy and rich, yet low-fat! And 3 grams of fiber. I'll keep you updated.

Consumer Alert! Do Not Buy This Lip Color!

I had this on my dresser for weeks so I'd remember the name of it and could warn people against buying it, but every time I saw it it made me angry, so I finally had to throw it out. But don't worry, it had been burned in my brain: Maybelline Super Stay Lipcolor http://www.maybelline.com/Product/Lip/LipColor/superstay-lipcolor.htm is a waste of time and some kind of conspiracy; I don't know how it won those awards.

I followed the directions EXACTLY, because I bought that Cover Girl long-lasting lip stuff several years ago, and it flaked off and made my lips itchy, so I knew what I was up against. OK, so I decided to try it on in the privacy of my own home so I wouldn't walk around looking like a freak if it got all weird. And weird it was. I sat in a chair for ONE HOUR. ONE. HOUR. I did not eat or drink. When I got up, ALL the lip color in the middle of my lips had completely vanished, leaving a bizzare border. I couldn't even look at myself, it was so weird looking. Can you imagine if I were just running around town looking like that? Instead of buying this product, I recommend rippin up $11 into tiny pieces and flushing them down the toilet. It will be less frustrating.

Garbage Car

My intelligent alley neighbor jammed their trash can past the brim, and did not secure the lid. Apparently they don't think coons and vermin live in the city. So of course a few bags were strewn about the alleyway, and, as it is an alley, there was nothing to do but drive over it. About, say, 1/2 block later, I'm starting to curse VW (not unusual) because I am hearing a rattling and I JUST spend $700 getting my car fixed. I then realize that it's not my car...I'm dragging the trash. I'm thinking I've maybe got a pop can lodged in there somewhere. No biggie. Friends, I was mistaken. Shortly after I get on the freeway, I hit a pothole. GARBAGE EXPLOSION behind my car. Syrup bottles, dirty lettuce, plastic bags, packaging...it could've killed someone! Luckily it's winter and there wasn't a convertible behind me! Can you imagine driving along and getting blasted w/ someone's nasty, critter-pawed sickness? Right in your front seat? Note: If you live in the city, watch your trash can! Animals eat trash!

Lipstick Jungle—It Ain't no Pretty in Pink

Well, this show is clearly the poor man's Sex and the City. But cute Lindsey Price is in it who stole Steve Sanders's heart. And Scott Speedman who I LOVED in Felicity (except that he always whispered his lines, which was absurd). But the best: Andrew McCarthy. GENIUS casting. Aaaaaaandrew McCaaaaaaaarthy! Remember when he made out w/ Andie in the stable in Pretty in Pink? OMG. I need to netflix that again. HOTHOTHOT.

UPDATE: I have been informed that Scott Speedman is not Scott Speedman in Lipstick Jungle! Dead ringer! That explains why he doesn't do the whisper thing...

My New Sinful Indulgence

Since I have lately had to visit the doctor 2-3 times a week, I have been treating myself to McDonald's breakfast after my appointments. Now, I hadn't had McD's brek in years, but semi-recently my (now) exbf used to occasionally surprise me with meatless Egg McMuffin meal deals (romantic, I know). However, I began to picture little beaks and wispy feathers in the egg part (it looks weird), so I had to retire them. I moved on to Cinnamon Melts. Now, I need to tell you that I don't even like cinnamon rolls. Never have. But something about them looked exceptionally delicious...and I was right. Aaaaand even better, the price is right. Under $2! Smugal.

New Product to Pimp

Ok, i am in loooooove w/ the Marc Anthony Curly shampoo and conditioner. Now, before you get all worked up, it's not the Marc Anthony of J.Lo. I don't know who this guy is but this stuff smells sooooooo good! http://www.marcanthony.com/. I first discovered this at Rainbow, but it has since disappeared. I then found it at Walgreens, so I'll have to make the trip. Normally I hate Walgreens, but have you ever noticed they have the uncanny ability to play the BEST MUSIC EVER there? It's like the "All the best from the late '80s and '90s. I mean, I stay for way too long because I'm busy singing along to all the songs--despite the fact that it makes me feel kind of dirty and always jaundiced. I don't know what's up w/ their lighting. Let me know if you try any of his other products. I think I will try his "Straight" and "Gloss" line when I am off the shampoo embargo.

Long Time...

Soooo long time, no post! I have been busy having the World's Most Boring Job, and have since put in my notice. In 2 weeks I start my Potential Dream Job, which will have me working at home a few days a week (with luck). I'm starting to come around and think that maybe if I don't work for The Man and can be the boss of my own time, I won't miss that I'm not lounging at the pool with a cabana boy...

A complete outrage

So I found out that someone at my old job put in notice today and will be going to work for the competition. They called a company-wide meeting to tell everyone how great he is! And then they set up a happy hour for his last day! Are you kidding me? I was doing an awesome job and got escorted to the door like a criminal, and he goes to work for the enemy and gets a love festival and a party planned! This is wack. I seriously was not that pissed until now. I was disappointed but understanding before, and now I'm just outraged and pissed. I don't understand what I did to deserve this kind of treatment. Oprah would tell me i'm putting something toxic into the universe. Must evaluate my toxins. Also, do you think it's a coincidence that the week my begonia in my career corner finally bit the dust was the week I was canned? I must also re-evaluate the career corner and living greens, etc.

Back in the swing of things

So, now that I'm done dogsitting, this is the first real-seeming day of unemployment. I watched Ellen (LOVE that show) and part of the View in bed. I totally hate Barbara Walters, by the way. When Rosie O'Donnell was on it last week I was pleasantly surprised. She's not as bad as we've all been led to believe.

By the way, my house is a dump becuase my parents made me take all my stuff out of their house, and I'm certain that it's been ruining my life w/ all the crazy feng shui going on up in here. I have my work cut out for me: must clean up the career area in my house and organize everything in the basement! I'll have to get to the projects around here I havent had time for, like painting, cleaning, making curtains, etc.

Now I've got to get ready to rock my homework at the library...at least I'll have plenty of time for that!

Mouse: Parts 2, 3, and 4

Sweet Baby Jesus. You have put me to many tests this week. I must have needed to be put in my place. One of your angels must have told you my character needed strengthening.
PART 2:
Well, it came time to remove the mouse intestines from the carpet. I would have left it, but I knew the dogs would chase me around the house with it. So I called my friend J for emotional support and direction. Here's what I did: I put the dogs on the porch and the cat in the bathroom. I armed myself with rubber boots, a garbage can, and an envelope. The idea was to slide the envelpe under the guts, dump it in the trash, and run screaming out the door to the trash. However, apparently the oxygen had made the guts SUPER nasty like some kind of massive blood clot. Apparently the dog didn't get all the tail, because a tail bit was still attached. Poking the guts with the envelope was completely unbearable, and I determined that it was better to scoot the guts clump onto the paper with the measuring cup. When I lifted off the cup, the stench was SO FOUL, it curled my hair. Now, keep in mind that I am extremely squeamish and had lost all control of myself. I was completley hysterical, hyperventilating, and screaming. I don't know how people deal with car wrecks and emergency rooms. I mean, I was beside myself. Thank God J was there to talk me through it or I would be living on the porch right now. Also, the room looks like a crime scene from Law & Order: there are blood streaks on the wall and black smudge on the carpet. I'm not sure I'll be able to clean it.

PART 3:
Came home later and found a little mouse just hanging out on the floor amidst all the animals. I was like, "Excuse me??? The last mouse you saw you tore to bits, and now you're just all hanging out like the fecking Brady Bunch?" I knew if they hung out together too long it would become violent, so I ended up (with emotional support from abovementioned J) shoveling it into the trash.

PART 4:
This morning, the dog picked something up in her mouth and brought it into the bed. I wasn't born yesterday, so I got outta dodge. When I looked later, it looked like mouse-hair clumps. Though it could have been muddy debris from outside.

And...

8:22am: and cleaned up poop.